FIRST YEARS COLUMN
First years: Young children will naturally test boundaries of behavior
11/10/2009
By Barbara Holden
When a parent is grocery shopping and his 3-year-old child throws a tantrum and ends up rolling around on the floor, it hardly seems like the natural behavior that it really is.
"One thing parents have to keep in mind," says Dr. Melissa Hoffman, a psychiatrist, "is that it is developmentally appropriate behavior. In large part, 3-year-olds are supposed to throw tantrums."
Exploring independence, young children naturally test boundaries and try different behaviors to get what they want. If asking politely doesn't achieve their desire -- whether it's a box of cereal or a game -- they'll try another approach, frequently one fueled by the frustration of not getting their way.
"They're experimenting," says Hoffman, who is on staff at the University of Tennessee Center for Health Sciences.
To minimize tantrums, Hoffman suggests:
Establishing structure and a routine in the home so that a child knows what to expect on a daily basis. It will help him be calmer and in better control.
Maintaining consistent rules for your children.
Praising and rewarding positive behavior to prevent negative behavior.
Once children do begin to throw a tantrum, there are proper ways to handle the situation, she says.
As long as the behavior isn't dangerous, just ignore the tantrum and eventually children will tire and stop.
Establish consequences for bad behavior. Take away privileges, favorite toys or send a child to timeout.
Hoffman emphasizes that parents and caregivers resist negative impulsive reactions to child tantrums -- such as spanking, screaming and aggressive behavior. While that style of punishment may stop the tantrum, it does little to truly teach proper behavior, she says.
Tantrums get the best of even the best prepared and coolest parents, says Hoffman.
"I catch myself lots of times not practicing what I preach," she says. "I raise my voice or recognize that I haven't said anything positive to them since I got home from work, and then I know it's time to turn things around."
Barbara Holden is a director at the Urban Child Institute, a Greater Memphis organization dedicated to promoting early childhood development. The Commercial Appeal is a partner with the Urban Child Institute in this effort to help parents and other caregivers learn skills that nurture and educate the minds of infants and children.
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